I have a lot going on in my mind. Much like the Sylvia Plath's bee box. Like her, I will set the bees, or thoughts, free in a series of tangents as follows:
On Boredom (as well as other things):
I acknowledge that everything is progressive and always in motion. I believe that time is non-existent and is a man-made measurement to track the progression of action. The world around me, the sphere I consider to be of what I know and what affects me has been injected with a potentially lethal virus that has corrosively spread to every reach of my existence. It's called ennui. Lately, I find people incredibly boring. They excessively drone about some inconsequential, insignificant detail of their lives and somehow make it into an hour long story. But they don't stop there, they then continue to relay the story to all that comes in their path, and if you're unlucky enough to be caught with them when they are presented with the opportunity to repeat the story, they will. This is all for attention. Then you have those who vocalize anything negative that has happened to them. Even the smallest things like "I forgot an umbrella and it was drizzling," or "my mom is calling me again, this is the second time today," become the most dramatic and tragic issues. These people walk and talk as if they are the embodiment of Murphy's Laws, meaning, these people are just looking for pity. One could argue that I could go to any form of a large social gathering and be remedied of the boredom induced by the attention and pity seekers, as both prey during more intimate situations, but I declare that solution false. People are boring at large social gatherings as well. To hypothesize a most realistic situation in accordance to my sphere, being a college student in a smaller town, a typical house party will act as such. There, you encounter the person who tries to drink too much to feel more comfortable at the party. They will mingle, perhaps dance until embarrassment immobilizes them, probably make an ass of themselves, and then leave alone or with a next-day regret. Here, the sexes create a split in our "everyman" example. As a disclaimer: By no means am I sexist, and I hate gender stereotypes. Anyone who shares a close relationship with me knows my strong views regarding sexism, gender roles, gender in terms of normalizing judgement and social stratification, and the sexuality-gender-discrimination triangle. And what is my view on all those? Well, it focuses on freedom, acceptance, and equality. Disclaimer over. Back to the ennui of people. So the party people are going to be split by a sex and generalized from what I have observed in the atmospheres I have experienced in my current location. The men have a transparent pretentious air about them that is highlighted in their gait, speech, mannerisms, and different method of interaction between people of the same sex and opposite. The women spend an excess amount of time dressing and primping absent minded of comfort and practicality. They will most often drink, believing that it is the opportune time to act sexually looser than if they were sober and in a different environment. However, they cannot act too much like nymphomaniac because there's a thin line between being acceptably loose and a complete slut. But a slut by whose measures? the other women at the party who have to worry about the same judgement being passed upon them. They will then become stigmatized by their society as a whore, and boring drama will ensue. What gives me the slight liberty to make such blanket statements about a large group as what I just mentioned (the party people) is that they act this way due to the images regarding gender roles that has been drilled into our minds since we could remember. The media has brainwashed people since a young age to strive to become a replica of a specific gender prototype so that they could sell more products. The party people are the products of the media's long reach, and thus resemble a room full of drunk clones. There are many other elements of people that have begun to bore me completely, but I won't continue with it.
This ennui is so toxic that it extends to all aspects of life. I have a disinterest in schoolwork, no motivation for progression, and an apathy towards anything/anyone that I have not been previously close to. The latter scares me most of all. I fear that the constant pococurantism will drive me to insanity, especially since I distract myself by becoming over-concerned with trifles. Honestly, I think I'm happiest when I'm embracing the general disinterest I have, because that usually leads me to sitting on a bench for a few hours and doing absolutely nothing productive.
This ennui is so toxic that it extends to all aspects of life. I have a disinterest in schoolwork, no motivation for progression, and an apathy towards anything/anyone that I have not been previously close to. The latter scares me most of all. I fear that the constant pococurantism will drive me to insanity, especially since I distract myself by becoming over-concerned with trifles. Honestly, I think I'm happiest when I'm embracing the general disinterest I have, because that usually leads me to sitting on a bench for a few hours and doing absolutely nothing productive.
I guess you can say, I'm a bench sitting extraordinaire!
Moving on to my anomalous spiritual views:
Congrats if you are still reading, I know it's long. I want to begin by saying that I was raised Catholic then later studied Buddhism and Zoroastrianism. I practiced Taoism for a while as well. All these, as well as life experience and other nonsense has influenced me greatly. So let's get to it.
I believe that we all dwell in purgatory. The entire universe we know as a tangible functioning unit contains an infinite amount of intangible elements which are the building blocks of all life. These elements include the emotions of an elderly man, the pain a bumblebee feels, and the photosynthetic process performed in an oak leaf. Here the connection could be more clearly explicated; that all the intangible elements that are the foundation of life gives purpose to the otherwise lifeless tangible aspects of the universe that permits life to thrive. If separated, neither is significant and I conclude that this relationship is greater than codependency, and suggests that all life is connected in the form of a collective soul in essence. This collective soul belongs to an unnameable, indistinguishable, omnipotent Higher Power that is very much like the traditional Christian God.
As mentioned, I believe that we live in purgatory. Generally, people strive to be "good" and have a somewhat conscious moral agenda despite their ignorance to acknowledge such through action. The creatures that are considered "good" or improving by the judgement of the Higher Power are then spiritually reincarnated into another being. Those who are deemed as "bad" are then reincarnated into a creature that is less sophisticated than the creature it was previously. Heinous acts natural only to the capacity of evil in a human runs the risk of the Higher Power forcing the relinquishment of his or her spirit at death, stopping the reincarnation cycle. The process of life thus becomes a continuous journey of spiritual perfection as to leave purgatory and join the Higher Power in heaven. Heaven is exclusively tangible as a result of spiritual perfection and physical transcendence.
My belief regarding reincarnation runs parallel to the theological beliefs formulated during ancient times. Reincarnation literally means "to be made flesh again," and that after death one's soul remains constant while they acquire a new personality and their memories are erased. Way back in this post, I mentioned my belief about time- reread it (it's italicized). This directly coincides with my spiritual beliefs concerning reincarnation. If time is nonexistent but really the progression of motion, and reincarnation is the preservation of a soul through the recycling of physical vessels, then one soul could exist simultaneously within multiple vessels. For example, my soul and your soul could actually be the same. One might try to debase that statement by arguing that time makes dual existence impossible, but I counter by arguing that when considering time a measurement of progression, and the process of perfecting one's soul a progression in itself isolated from other souls perfecting process, the impossibility of this phenomenon becomes real. I'm no chemist, but I know that chemistry reinforces my argument. An article written by Dr. Amir Farid Isahak explains how duel existence is possible and has been observed by quantum physicists in electron activity. He remarks that "where physics ends, metaphysics begins." Chemistry not only helps explain the possibility of duel existence, but also the physical branch of reincarnation. Atoms are subjected to physical change under certain conditions, but are never obliterated. For example, a person is cremated resulting in their becoming ash. Their body has atomically changed. The ash then ends up in a water source where it the elements of it becomes a food source for an aquatic plant. The aquatic plant parents other plants, and then gets eaten by a fish, that then gets eaten by a bear. The person who was cremated is now a part of the aquatic plants that remained, was part of the fish, and is now part of the bear. Chemistry just helps us understand that life never really ends, but is reincarnated.
The last stage of the physical reincarnation period is when a sequoia sempervirens , better known as the coastal redwood tree, harbors a near perfected spirit. The reasoning behind this is their potential for grandeur and duration of life. They silently observe the world as everything progresses, recording history in their rings, and reach their branches towards the sky, which was the traditional notion of heaven.
I want to let you know, I'm not pushing my beliefs on anyone. I doubt I could even find a single person that agrees with me. I just wanted to let the bees out of the box, like Sylvia Plath.
Conclusion:
So it's things like this that I think about when I sit on benches. I told you, I am a bench sitter extraordinaire! This was a really long post, so awesome if you made it here! I put a lot of thought into this, and it was actually therapeutic. And if you think I'm absolutely insane after you read this, you're right.
